How it all started

I am not crazy, though a couple of years ago there was a period of time when I began to act quite crazy. It all started with a legally prescribed, commonly used drug, an SSRI class antidepressant known as Lexapro. I was not seriously depressed at the time, but turning fifty kicked my ass and I was having some friction at the office, hence some mild to moderate depression of "the blahs" variety. I took Lexapro at the urging of my family and friends and, ultimately my primary care physician, whom I trusted a great deal. It turns out that my trust was misplaced and, before long, my trust would be truly abused by medical mismanagement on a grand scale.

At first Lexapro didn't do much for me other than make me stupid and apathetic. Then, I began to have serious insomnia and then the irrational mental agitation set in and I knew, with a knowledge as sure as anything I've ever known that I had to stop taking Lexapro. Immediately.

After a 36 hour period spent doing nothing but research on Lexapro withdrawal, I decided to just quit all at once. I had an appointment with my primary care doctor a few days after I quit, and she was somewhat alarmed at my mental state. She suggested that I quit taking the Lexapro as an attention seeking behavior due to the fact that she was closing her practice. Alternatively she suggested that I was intentionally making myself crazy to get some time away from my job.

I tried to explain to her that the Lexapro was making me crazy, but she refused to believe this was a possibility. She instructed me to resume taking the Lexapro at 10 mg, after I had discontinued it for over a week. So I started taking it again only to have the agitation, racing, disorganized thoughts, insomnia and constant pacing reappear within days. So I stopped taking it again cold turkey, then she convinced me to start taking it again. This on and off routine went on for about 8 weeks until she finally closed her practice, leaving me well and truly fucked up, mentally.

And thus began the inauspicious start of my journey through the dark, cold, soulless heart of psychiatry.

And, no, I never even considered filing a malpractice claim against my primary care doctor, though her professional knowledge clearly fell far below what she should reasonably have been expected to know concerning the potential for agitation and mania with SSRI's.